ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOT TALK?
When I was young, I never thought about getting old (a stage of life known as having one foot in the grave — almost curtains). So, having two feet in the grave was the last thing on my mind. Now I’m a senior citizen, and I’m still not ready to kick the bucket, but my feet are killing me like I am about to kick bucket — or, with my luck it (this bucket) kicks me:
Foot cramps, ingrown toenails, fungus among-us, smelly feet (you know this from my last post) — it’s like I got my feet at the Bad Feet Store. You name it, my feet are treating me like a heel. Don’t laugh — someday you may walk in my shoes, and then you’ll know the agony of de feet and be the sole of remorse for not seeing fit to empathize. But I guess you’ll cross that footbridge when you come to it.
Having retired from a desk job, I didn’t spend most of my life upon my feet, so my tootsies aren’t letting me down because of being mistreated. Likewise, I’ve seldom, if ever, worn high heels (I may have BEEN a heel a time or two, but that’s a different story). I don’t know — maybe I’m finally footing the bill for writing such poems as this:
All humans have more than one foot,
Unless one has less than two.
One can trust I count two on me —
More or less, can one count on you?
Groan. I guess my days of being this are over:
The Observation Post 
Paul Sunstone 1:35 am on March 20, 2019 Permalink |
I was forced to forward your post to the proper authorities on the grounds it was exceeding the legal pun limit.
LikeLiked by 4 people
Rakkelle 2:03 am on March 20, 2019 Permalink |
All the puns intended I am sure.
LikeLiked by 2 people
mistermuse 9:17 am on March 20, 2019 Permalink |
Sorry you found my post punderwhelming, if not arch, Paul. But at least you found it, and that’s support of a sort. 😦 🙂
LikeLiked by 3 people
Paul Sunstone 9:38 am on March 20, 2019 Permalink
😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
calmkate 7:17 am on March 20, 2019 Permalink |
how footuitous that you have both feet in the grave, are down in the heel and obviously in need of a swift shoe up the posterior IMHO 🙂
LikeLiked by 2 people
mistermuse 9:36 am on March 20, 2019 Permalink |
Fortunately, I only have one foot in the grave, calmkate. When I have two feet in the grave, I won’t be replying to your comments (or anyone else’s, for that matter). 🙂
BTW, “one foot in the grave” is an expression which dates back to the 17th century, which makes it almost as old as I am. It means ‘near death’ (like most of my puns).
LikeLiked by 1 person
calmkate 8:47 pm on March 20, 2019 Permalink
had no idea the term or you were so prehistoric, nice chatting with a dinosaur 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
masercot 8:23 am on March 20, 2019 Permalink |
“You need feet, to stand up straight with,
You need feet, to kick your friends,
You need feet, to keep your socks up,
And stop your legs from, fraying at the ends.” – “You Need Feet” Edwin Carp
LikeLiked by 3 people
mistermuse 9:43 am on March 20, 2019 Permalink |
Not to Carp, masercot, but did you have to come up with a poem that’s more better than mine in the post (not that difficult to do, I admit)? But I appreciate it, nonetheless. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
masercot 9:49 am on March 20, 2019 Permalink
I will do my best, in the future, to post only substandard material, sir…
LikeLiked by 1 person
rivergirl1211 8:24 am on March 20, 2019 Permalink |
My name is River… and I have bunions. Don’t get me started on feet! My issues started when I was 40 and that’s just not fair!
LikeLiked by 2 people
mistermuse 9:51 am on March 20, 2019 Permalink |
I wish I could tell you a cure, River, but when it comes to bunions, I don’t know my onions. I can only hope that these punions are so bad, they make you forget your bunions for a while.
LikeLiked by 1 person
rivergirl1211 9:55 am on March 20, 2019 Permalink
I’ll take punions over bunions any day…
LikeLiked by 1 person
Richard A Cahill 12:08 pm on March 20, 2019 Permalink |
It’s living in Ohio that’s hurting your wheels, Sr. Muse. Move to a warmer clime, like I’ve lived in most of my life, and liberate those tootsies from the confines of shoes at, least nights and on weekends. Flip-flops never gave anybody bunions.
LikeLiked by 2 people
mistermuse 2:47 pm on March 20, 2019 Permalink |
Unfortunately, a move to a warmer clime isn’t in my foreseeable future, Ricardo, but if I can just hang around for another century or so, global warming will have moved to me, thereby saving me the trouble.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Elizabeth 4:03 pm on March 20, 2019 Permalink |
My sympathy. We have frequent user discounts at the podiatrist!
LikeLiked by 2 people
mistermuse 10:27 pm on March 20, 2019 Permalink |
My podiatrist (a woman) wouldn’t even accept my insurance for treating an ingrown toenail, but I’ll get even — next time, I won’t accept her bill!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Elizabeth 5:08 pm on March 21, 2019 Permalink
Good one.
LikeLiked by 1 person
magickmermaid 6:43 pm on March 20, 2019 Permalink |
A great post and a toe-tapper of a tune! 🙂
LikeLiked by 2 people
mistermuse 10:43 pm on March 20, 2019 Permalink |
Glad you liked both. The composer of the tune was Carmen Lombardo, brother of Guy Lombardo. He was the lead saxophonist in Guy’s orchestra, which you may remember because it was one of the most popular dance bands of all time for many years.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Silver Screenings 9:49 am on March 23, 2019 Permalink |
The song you posted, “Footloose and Fancy Free”, is a great start to the day. Thanks for that!
And thanks for the Bucket Truck video – I mean it. It’s fascinating! Now I want to ride in one.
LikeLiked by 2 people
mistermuse 10:48 pm on March 23, 2019 Permalink |
Glad you enjoyed both the song and the Bucket Truck video, which I was lucky to stumble upon as a good fit for this post. Some amusement park should come up with a version of the Bucket Trucks for a kids’ ride (including us adult kids)!
LikeLiked by 1 person
equipsblog 5:51 pm on April 6, 2019 Permalink |
I’d hate to foot the bill for this entertaining post, because if we have to pay by the pun, it’s very expensive.
LikeLiked by 2 people
mistermuse 7:06 pm on April 6, 2019 Permalink |
I see that the latest post on your blog is titled “ImPUNity” (my caps) — a pun so bad that I should probably pay you. But by recommending that my readers check out your blog, suppose we call it even. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
equipsblog 10:15 pm on April 6, 2019 Permalink
Its pronounced ImPUnity so it’s 2/3 of a pun. P-U
LikeLiked by 1 person
mistermuse 11:31 pm on April 6, 2019 Permalink |
Actually, “Its” is pronounced “Itz”….but it’s the pits in both cases, so I’ll call it a night before I get in any deeper. 😦
LikeLiked by 1 person
JosieHolford 8:58 am on August 26, 2020 Permalink |
When the British politician, and future Labour Party leader, Michael Fool won his first election in 1945 he received a telegram;
“Dear Foot, Congratulations on your feat.”
LikeLiked by 1 person
mistermuse 12:53 pm on August 26, 2020 Permalink |
Love it!
He – Foot – avoided the agony of de feat
(no pun in my post is too bad to repeat).
LikeLike