WHEN YOU WISH UPON A STEYER
December 4 is SANTA’S LIST DAY. Yours truly having been a good boy this year, what better time than now to make out my Christmas wish list and tell Santa that I deserve everything on it? That gives me three weeks to be naughty while the old fart is busy browbeating and driving his elves to peak toy production before D-Day (Delivery Day) — or should I say, before Delivery Night. The way I see it, it’s not my fault that Santa won’t have time to check up on me — he should be a more adept despot.
Just kidding,of course. I don’t really plan on being a bad boy from now until Christmas…. and to prove it, my list will consist entirely of wishes for someone much more in need than I — a child so spoiled and naughty, he may soon be locked out of his WHITE HOUSE (depending on who holds the key to the outcome). The name of that over-privileged child is Don-Don (known as THE DONALD by those in awe of him — and who isn’t?).
But why leave to chance the chances that my wishes for Don-Don come true?
If not upon a star, maybe I could wish upon a STEYER: Tom-Tom STEYER, the billionaire liberal activist, philanthropist, and Trump ingrate, for help in suggesting gifts that Santa (perhaps with coaxing from Mrs. Claus, who could probably use a Steyer-donated fur coat) might deliver to the needy Don-Don. But it seems Tom-Tom is too-too busy donating to causes instead of Clauses, so I’m stuck doing the dirty work all by myself. Fortunately, I have a pretty good idea of the toys it will take to get little Don-Don to straighten up and fly right, see himself for who he really is, and mend his lying ways:
Here, then, is my Don-Don wish list to Santa (additional suggestions welcomed):
1. A self-administered lie detector kit which gives $ for every truth and an electrical shock for every lie.
2. Smelling salts and a first aid kit to recover from daily attempts (which Don-Don can never resist) to sneak lies past #1.
3. A game of Trump Monopoly, which is just like regular Monopoly except: only Don-Don and family can play, there are numerous GO-TO-JAIL spaces, and there are no GET-OUT-OF-JAIL-FREE cards.
4. A bully pulpit, complete with a bully who calls Don-Don a “loser” whenever something doesn’t go Don-Don’s way.
5. Don-Don finds Jesus on Fox News, has a revelation that he’s supposed to do unto others as he would have them do unto him, takes the Golden Rule to heart, astounds the world, and gives Sean Hannity a heart attack.
6. A new law permitting any President named Trump to be above the law (but only with the approval of any Special Counsel named Mueller).
7. A Presidential pardon for himself, enough enablers to keep him in office two more years, and a country gone to moral indifference and re-electing him in 2020. Hey, how did that wish slip in here? Could it be written in the stars?
thelonelyauthorblog 7:23 pm on December 3, 2018 Permalink |
Nice list.
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mistermuse 7:40 pm on December 3, 2018 Permalink |
Thanks. I intended to post this on Dec. 4 (tomorrow), but am having computer trouble and decided to post it while I could. Replies to subsequent comments may be delayed. Sorry about that! 😦
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thelonelyauthorblog 7:42 pm on December 3, 2018 Permalink
Wise choice.
No problem, don’t even worry about it. Hope the compuiter problem won’t stop you from blogging.
Have a good one
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mistermuse 12:56 am on December 4, 2018 Permalink
Thanks to my wife, computer trouble solved and I’m ‘back in business.’
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rivergirl1211 8:36 pm on December 3, 2018 Permalink |
I’d tell Santa to bring Donny a lump of coal… but he likes coal, so that won’t work. Maybe black lung instead?
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mistermuse 1:06 am on December 4, 2018 Permalink |
Don-Don likes so-called “clean” coal, so a lump of dirty coal should suffice, though I don’t know what “clean” coal is (not that Don-Don knows either).
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Richard Cahill 10:39 pm on December 3, 2018 Permalink |
A bottle of tear gas disguised as spray tan always makes a thoughtful stocking-stuffer.
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mistermuse 1:14 am on December 4, 2018 Permalink |
Excellent suggestion, Ricardo. I don’t care to see a grown man shed tears, but if he qualifies as a grown man, we should all cry.
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calmkate 1:16 am on December 4, 2018 Permalink |
lol wow the list is growing … we had one PM who took a swim in the ocean and never came back … that could resolve lots 🙂
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mistermuse 1:49 am on December 4, 2018 Permalink |
I don’t know if Don-Don swims, but I know he loves golf. I hear there’s an excellent golf course and resort on Mars where he could go and give it a (long) shot. I think the resort is called Mars-a-Lago.
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calmkate 3:04 am on December 4, 2018 Permalink
lol … but if he doesn’t swim all the better 🙂
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Elizabeth 4:12 pm on December 4, 2018 Permalink |
l love that his wife decorated with blood dyed trees. About right for his life-denying moves across the board from the climate to refugees.
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mistermuse 8:45 pm on December 4, 2018 Permalink |
You’d think she would’ve decorated with orange dyed trees to match her husband’s appearance. 😦
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America On Coffee 6:07 pm on December 6, 2018 Permalink |
I know this green character. Hahaha!
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mistermuse 6:43 pm on December 6, 2018 Permalink |
By Jiminy, I think I know him too (and, unlike the orange character, he’s a good influence on kids)! 🙂
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America On Coffee 8:05 pm on December 6, 2018 Permalink
I don’t believe Disney has revived Jiminy or set in a replacement to impart wisdom to kids. Oh well… Shares spread ideas.
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barkinginthedark 7:14 pm on December 6, 2018 Permalink |
does Santa deliver rectal cancer? continue…
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mistermuse 8:16 pm on December 6, 2018 Permalink |
I don’t think so, but Don-Don is a cancer on the nation, and Mueller and/or the Dems need to deliver him out of office and into the slammer (hopefully, not just wishful thinking).
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Resa 7:49 pm on December 6, 2018 Permalink |
Hahaha!! # 5 is my fave.
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mistermuse 8:20 pm on December 6, 2018 Permalink |
Thanks, Resa. #7 is my least fave, but at least there’s a song to go with it:
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leggypeggy 9:47 pm on December 6, 2018 Permalink |
Such an appropriate list. Bring it on Santa.
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mistermuse 10:11 pm on December 6, 2018 Permalink |
I hope Santa has diplomatic impunity, otherwise Don-Don may have Santa shot down as an illegal alien as he flies over the border into the U.S.
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leggypeggy 11:19 pm on December 6, 2018 Permalink
Good, but frightening, point.
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Silver Screenings 5:14 pm on December 9, 2018 Permalink |
Some great music here, as always. I think I’m going to spend the rest of the day listening to Nat King Cole, thanks to you. 🙂
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mistermuse 7:46 pm on December 9, 2018 Permalink |
In the spirit of the season, I offer this Nat King Cole favorite:
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Silver Screenings 8:15 pm on December 9, 2018 Permalink
Wonderful! Thank you.
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Lara/Trace 7:24 pm on December 17, 2018 Permalink |
I love irony and your posts!
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mistermuse 1:36 am on December 18, 2018 Permalink |
And I love readers who love irony and my posts (especially the latter)! 🙂
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Susi Bocks 12:21 pm on December 28, 2018 Permalink |
LOL Hello Mister Muse! Happy Holidays to you and thanks for the follow on I Write Her! I hope you enjoy my future thoughts. 🙂
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