WHEEL OF MISFORTUNE
When misfortune comes, take it like a man–blame it on your wife. –Evan Esar
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Many of us suffer an unanticipated misfortune at some point in our lives. It could be the missed fortune of being left out of the will of a rich cousin you loved like a brother (until the ungrateful s.o.b. left every cent he had to his actual brother)….or it could be distress under duress, like your mistress taking egress, leaving you in a mess, no less, with your wife. Or, if you are a wife, perhaps you got wind of, not only the mistress on the side, but the ‘steady at the ready’ and the ‘wench on the bench’ (otherwise known as having too many loins in the fire). Yes, friends, misfortune is an ill wind which blows no good…
Now, far be it from mistermuse to blame his misfortunes on his wife. As a matter of tact, if it weren’t for my wife, I don’t know what I would do (or is it, wouldn’t do?). Yes, friends, mistermuse has been a sappily married man for 49 years, 10 months, and 13 days now, and I can honestly say it doesn’t seem like a day over 49 years, 10 months, and 12 days.
That said, game on. Let’s see what other men have had to say on the subject:
Wives are people who feel that they don’t dance enough. –Groucho Marx
How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who treats her as if she were a perfectly natural being? –Oscar Wilde
If Presidents can’t do it to their wives, they do it to their countries. –Mel Brooks
No matter how happily married a woman may be, it always pleases her to discover that there is a nice man who wishes she were not. –H. L. Mencken
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you’ll be happy; if not, you’ll become a philosopher. –Socrates
Some wives are like fishermen: they think the best ones got away. –Evan Esar
I’ve had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn’t. –Patrick Murray
A man placed an ad in the classifieds: “Wife wanted.” Next day he received over a hundred replies: “You can have mine.” –Anonymous
NOTE: The last quote is absolutely NOT mine!
Paul Sunstone 3:16 am on July 27, 2018 Permalink |
So far a I know there are at least three or four major religions that each claim their own god created the institution of marriage — and everyone of them say they did it to protect the women, which I find hilarious.
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calmkate 4:31 am on July 27, 2018 Permalink |
well said Paul … usually means ownership 😦
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mistermuse 9:09 am on July 27, 2018 Permalink |
(Saint) Paul, you got that right! 🙂
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calmkate 4:31 am on July 27, 2018 Permalink |
lol hilarious .. big 50 celebration coming up, well done both of you!
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masercot 5:33 am on July 27, 2018 Permalink |
Women are the major cause of mental illness in men…
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mistermuse 9:12 am on July 27, 2018 Permalink |
You may be right, Charlie–but I can’t think of a better cause! 🙂
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Lisa R. Palmer 8:36 am on July 27, 2018 Permalink |
Congrats on making it work!! That is quite an accomplishment for both of you…
I laughed at almost all of these, being an ex-wife, except one, which I simply didn’t understand. Goes to show that humor targets certain audiences (probably based on common experiences…?).
What the heck was Oscar Wilde trying to say here, and where is the “funny”? Lol!
“How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who treats her as if she were a perfectly natural being?” –Oscar Wilde
P.S. No need to actually explain; it only makes things worse. If a joke needs lengthy rationale, then it already failed. But since I’m not the intended audience, no harm done. Just thought I’d share my ignorance, as it might make it funnier to others. 😀
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mistermuse 9:28 am on July 27, 2018 Permalink |
No problem, Lisa–I’ve found from long experience that explanations only get me into longer no-win situations. That’s why “Yes, dear” is almost always the better part of valor….and, as you can tell, I’ve become very well trained in almost 50 years. 🙂
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Lisa R. Palmer 10:10 am on July 27, 2018 Permalink
That explains your success then… lol!
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Carmen 8:48 am on July 27, 2018 Permalink |
Here’s the one I like, and which was stuck on our fridge for years –
“The best thing a father can do for his children is love their mother”.
Almost 50 years! Wow! We’re 9 years behind you, mister muse, which reminds me of another statement I read when I first got married – and it has stuck in my head because of its truth (well, in our case anyway!) –
“Marriage is a contest of wills.” 🙂
Congratulations and in my opinion, you brought the very best trait to the union – a kick-ass sense of humour!
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mistermuse 9:32 am on July 27, 2018 Permalink |
Thank you, Carmen. Unfortunately, the ass I’d most like to kick is out of reach (not my wife–Donald Trump)! 🙂
P.S. I like your “statements.”
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Carmen 10:17 am on July 27, 2018 Permalink |
A friend of ours once told a young fellow who was getting married that there were only two responses he needed to know – “Yes, dear” and “That outfit looks lovely on you!” 🙂
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arekhill1 1:26 pm on July 27, 2018 Permalink |
Congrats to you and Senora Muse on your upcoming 50th.
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mistermuse 12:51 am on July 28, 2018 Permalink |
Gracias, Ricardo.
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inesephoto 1:52 pm on July 28, 2018 Permalink |
Eternal source of jokes 🙂
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mistermuse 5:14 pm on July 28, 2018 Permalink |
Wives….along with politicians (but at least I don’t have to live with a politician)! JUST KIDDING! 🙂
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inesephoto 6:13 pm on July 28, 2018 Permalink
Haha
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Don Frankel 2:13 pm on July 29, 2018 Permalink |
Here’s some advice on the subject that I didn’t take. But I was happy anyway.
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mistermuse 7:17 pm on July 29, 2018 Permalink |
Good song, Don. I like toe-tappers which don’t lead to my wife putting her foot down.
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floatinggold 10:40 pm on July 30, 2018 Permalink |
Almost 50 years? That’s impressive. How do people manage to put up with ANYONE for so long?
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mistermuse 11:50 pm on July 30, 2018 Permalink |
First, you have to live long enough. Second, so does your wife. Third, it helps to have a sense of humor. Fourth, if your wife has a strong arm throwing pots, pans and dishes, it helps to have good reflexes. Fifth, when all else fails, either pray for a miracle that she’ll see things your way, or say “Yes, dear.” Or both.
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floatinggold 10:20 am on July 31, 2018 Permalink
Wise advice.
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MikeTX 10:49 am on August 1, 2018 Permalink |
Congrats on the half a century of marital bliss Muse.
I guess you have no wench on the bench; a fact which also keeps a foot from being put down…on your throat. Good luck on your next half-century!
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mistermuse 8:07 pm on August 7, 2018 Permalink |
Thanks, Mike. Sorry about the delayed reply — I just noticed that your comment was awaiting approval.
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America On Coffee 1:43 pm on August 7, 2018 Permalink |
Love this!!
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