WHEEL OF MISFORTUNE

When misfortune comes, take it like a man–blame it on your wife. –Evan Esar

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Many of us suffer an unanticipated misfortune at some point in our lives. It could be the missed fortune of being left out of the will of a rich cousin you loved like a brother (until the ungrateful s.o.b. left every cent he had to his actual brother)….or it could be distress under duress, like your mistress taking egress, leaving you in a mess, no less, with your wife. Or, if you are a wife, perhaps you got wind of, not only the mistress on the side, but the ‘steady at the ready’ and the ‘wench on the bench’ (otherwise known as having too many loins in the fire). Yes, friends, misfortune is an ill wind which blows no good…

Now, far be it from mistermuse to blame his misfortunes on his wife. As a matter of tact, if it weren’t for my wife, I don’t know what I would do (or is it, wouldn’t do?). Yes, friends, mistermuse has been a sappily married man for 49 years, 10 months, and 13 days now, and I can honestly say it doesn’t seem like a day over 49 years, 10 months, and 12 days.

That said, game on. Let’s see what other men have had to say on the subject:

Wives are people who feel that they don’t dance enough. –Groucho Marx

How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who treats her as if she were a perfectly natural being? –Oscar Wilde

If Presidents can’t do it to their wives, they do it to their countries. –Mel Brooks

No matter how happily married a woman may be, it always pleases her to discover that there is a nice man who wishes she were not. –H. L. Mencken

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you’ll be happy; if not, you’ll become a philosopher. –Socrates

Some wives are like fishermen: they think the best ones got away. –Evan Esar

I’ve had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn’t. –Patrick Murray

A man placed an ad in the classifieds: “Wife wanted.” Next day he received over a hundred replies: “You can have mine.” –Anonymous

NOTE: The last quote is absolutely NOT mine!

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25 comments on “WHEEL OF MISFORTUNE

  1. So far a I know there are at least three or four major religions that each claim their own god created the institution of marriage — and everyone of them say they did it to protect the women, which I find hilarious.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. calmkate says:

    lol hilarious .. big 50 celebration coming up, well done both of you!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. masercot says:

    Women are the major cause of mental illness in men…

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Congrats on making it work!! That is quite an accomplishment for both of you…

    I laughed at almost all of these, being an ex-wife, except one, which I simply didn’t understand. Goes to show that humor targets certain audiences (probably based on common experiences…?).

    What the heck was Oscar Wilde trying to say here, and where is the “funny”? Lol!

    “How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who treats her as if she were a perfectly natural being?” –Oscar Wilde

    P.S. No need to actually explain; it only makes things worse. If a joke needs lengthy rationale, then it already failed. But since I’m not the intended audience, no harm done. Just thought I’d share my ignorance, as it might make it funnier to others. 😀

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Carmen says:

    Here’s the one I like, and which was stuck on our fridge for years –
    “The best thing a father can do for his children is love their mother”.

    Almost 50 years! Wow! We’re 9 years behind you, mister muse, which reminds me of another statement I read when I first got married – and it has stuck in my head because of its truth (well, in our case anyway!) –
    “Marriage is a contest of wills.” 🙂

    Congratulations and in my opinion, you brought the very best trait to the union – a kick-ass sense of humour!

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Carmen says:

    A friend of ours once told a young fellow who was getting married that there were only two responses he needed to know – “Yes, dear” and “That outfit looks lovely on you!” 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  7. arekhill1 says:

    Congrats to you and Senora Muse on your upcoming 50th.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. inesephoto says:

    Eternal source of jokes 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Don Frankel says:

    Here’s some advice on the subject that I didn’t take. But I was happy anyway.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. floatinggold says:

    Almost 50 years? That’s impressive. How do people manage to put up with ANYONE for so long?

    Liked by 1 person

  11. MikeTX says:

    Congrats on the half a century of marital bliss Muse.

    I guess you have no wench on the bench; a fact which also keeps a foot from being put down…on your throat. Good luck on your next half-century!

    Liked by 1 person

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