LET BYGONES BE BYGONES

It’s nice for children to have pets — until the pets start having children. –Evan Esar

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I think if I owned a pet (be it dog, cat, or rock), I would name it BYGONES….if for no other reason than just thinking of that name suggested the idea for a post such as the one you’re reading. But beyond that, there is this: by God, any pet I own deserves a name that is not only as unique as some of the names we give our kids, but reflects my forgiving nature. Thus (for example), if my pet rock would decide to follow a cat up a tree and get stuck, I’d be willing to tell my rock I forgive it for being stuck up….and let Bygones be Bygones.

Now, I’ll admit that “Bygones” may not be the most sexy pet name in the world, but as you might conclude from the opening quote, “sexy” & “pet” aren’t the mix I’d look for if I were looking for my ideal pet (more up my platonic pet alley would be, not a cool cat or hot dog, but an ugly rock). After all, how are we to control the pet population if we keep giving our pets such seductive names as these actual pet names gleaned from Google-eyed research:

BABY CAKES
BIG DADDY
BLOSSOM BUTT
BOO BOO
BUNBUNS

CHUNKY BUNNY
CUDDLE CAKES
CUTIE PATOOTIE
FLUFFER-NUTTER
HONEY PANTS

HOTNESS
HOTTIE
HUGGALUMP
KISSY FACE
LADY KILLER

LOVE MUFFIN
LOVER BOY
LOVER GIRL
McSTEAMY
MISTER CUTIE

MONKEY BUNS
MOOKIE-POOKIE BEAR
NUM NUMS
PARADISE
POP TART

PUSSY CAT
SCHMOOOOKY POOKIE POOO
SEXY MAMA
SNOOGYPUSS
UNCLE UPRIGHT

Come on, admit it — even if you perchance to be the most domesticated of creatures, you might turn into a tiger if you were called any of the above by a sex of the opposite member….not to mention, if called such censored terms of endearment as these:

So, until we meet again, my little winky-dinky petsy-wetsy….