BOLD DIPPINGS INTO OLD CLIPPINGS

 Far Behind - Copy

In case anyone is wondering whether I caught up on what I hoped to catch up on during the ten day break since my last post, the answer is “I wish.” Other than managing to finish a few half-read books/projects around the house,  I barely made a dent in such objectives as sorting through years-long accumulations of ‘stuff,’ hoping to get rid of much some of it. The problem is that most of it is either scrap items I might possibly find a use for some day (a highly dubious proposition, in my wife’s opinion), or printed stuff that made me laugh or pause for thought, such as clippings from old newspapers, magazines, etc.

But then it occurred to me, as July 15th neared, that I could be bold and kill two birds with one post by re-printing some of those old clippings here, thereby saving them for post-erity while discarding the paper. As for dealing with that you-never-know-when-you-may-need-it scrap (more accurately spelled without the s, if you ask my better half), the day of reckoning must be put on indefinite hold….and since I will never die, what’s the rush?

So now all that remains is to dip into the clippings and decide which to post. This is no laughing matter — that is, unless I post only that which is humorous. So be it. The serious stuff can wait its turn….like maybe my next post. Meanwhile, the laughs are on me:

“Beginning in February 1976 your assistance benefits will be discontinued. Reason: it has been reported to our office that you expired on January 1, 1976. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances.” –Letter sent to a dead person by the Illinois Dept. of Public Aid 

Display ad for a monster movie: Due to the horrifying nature of this film, no one will be admitted to the theater.

Cold Weather Causes Temperature to Drop –headline in The Stillwater (Oklahoma) News-Press

After finding no qualified candidates for the position of principal, the school department is extremely pleased to announce the appointment of Arthur Harrison to the post.

Drowning Can Ruin Fun in Water, Council Warns –headline in Marshalltown (Iowa) Times-Republican

This is the third marriage of the groom. He has also been through World War II.

Mr. Martin Shore was born in Madison, Wisconsin, where he died and later moved to Peoria. –Obituary in Peoria, Illinois, newspaper

Vincent Charles, a 14-year Secret Service veteran, said the string of incidents had heightened security around the White House.  “The White House has always attracted the mentally ill,” he said.  A cynic might say America can ‘Trump’ that: witness many voters being seduced by the attraction of a delusional charlatan.

An item in Thursday’s Nation Digest about the Massachusetts budget crisis referred to new taxes that will help put Massachusetts “back in the African American.” The item should have said “back in the black.” –correction notice in the Fresno (Calif.) Bee

Rent 2 bedroom cottage high on mountain in St. John overlooking British Virgins. –ad in Los Angeles newspaper

Hmmm. Come to think of it, I could use another break — this time, to get away from it all and enjoy some exotic scenery.

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18 comments on “BOLD DIPPINGS INTO OLD CLIPPINGS

  1. painkills2 says:

    After finding no qualified candidates for the position of president, the country is extremely pleased to announce the appointment of Pokemon to the post. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. carmen says:

    Quite an assortment of clippings – and an astute observation about tRump; I’m with pain kills 2 , Pokemon for President has a definite ring to it! 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  3. linnetmoss says:

    LOL–thanks for these little gems! My favorite is the accolade for Principal Harrison.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. After I die, would I like to move to Hawaii? Bermuda? Maybe Tasmania…. I’m thinking….I’m thinking….

    Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse says:

      Cynthia, I haven’t been to Bermuda or Tasmania, but I can vouch for Hawaii (or at least the Kona coast of the Big Island) as a near-paradise, should you wish to experience an approximation of the ‘real thing’ ahead of time. As for me, I’d settle for a little less hell on earth right now.

      Liked by 2 people

  5. Hell has always been on earth… and heaven too. I particularly like this passage I read some time ago, on that subject:

    “The inferno of the living is not something that will be; if there is one, it is what is already here, the inferno where we live every day, that we form by being together. There are two ways to escape suffering it. The first is easy for many: accept the inferno and become such a part of it that you can no longer see it. The second is risky and demands constant vigilance and apprehension: seek and learn to recognize who and what, in the midst of inferno, are not inferno, then make them endure, give them space.”

    ― Italo Calvino, Invisible Cities

    Liked by 2 people

    • mistermuse says:

      Would that words were capable of making the blind see, the concept of “inferno” might be boiled down to something only the gods could be indicted for. But as it is, Calvino tells it like it is and I thank you for quoting his words.

      Liked by 2 people

  6. arekhill1 says:

    In at least two of your clippings, death is viewed as merely a temporary setback, Sr. Muse, so having a lot on your plate may not put off mortality as thoroughly as you are planning for. You may be resuscitated to continue your work. Hopefully, not in Peoria.

    Like

  7. mistermuse says:

    You may be right, Ricardo, but in any case, I will continue to use that opening cartoon as justification for procrastination The way I see it, the more stuff I leave behind for my heirs to sort out, the more they’ll have to remember me by.

    Like

  8. Don Frankel says:

    Muse you could be on the Road to La Paz.

    Nothing was more cruel than the NYC worker who died and was later fired for using up his time and leave.

    Like

  9. mistermuse says:

    Now that’s REALLY cruel, Don. Let us hope that he isn’t suffering the double indignity of being “fired” in the afterlife.

    Like

  10. Oh my. “Drowning may ruin fun in water!” These are hysterical. LOL.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. mistermuse says:

    Thank you. Now it’s “get serious” time as I’m about to post my next piece.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. eths says:

    These are great!

    Liked by 1 person

  13. mistermuse says:

    Thanks. After keeping those clippings for years, I’m glad to have finally been able to put them to good use.

    Like

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