BOLD DIPPINGS INTO OLD CLIPPINGS

 Far Behind - Copy

In case anyone is wondering whether I caught up on what I hoped to catch up on during the ten day break since my last post, the answer is “I wish.” Other than managing to finish a few half-read books/projects around the house,  I barely made a dent in such objectives as sorting through years-long accumulations of ‘stuff,’ hoping to get rid of much some of it. The problem is that most of it is either scrap items I might possibly find a use for some day (a highly dubious proposition, in my wife’s opinion), or printed stuff that made me laugh or pause for thought, such as clippings from old newspapers, magazines, etc.

But then it occurred to me, as July 15th neared, that I could be bold and kill two birds with one post by re-printing some of those old clippings here, thereby saving them for post-erity while discarding the paper. As for dealing with that you-never-know-when-you-may-need-it scrap (more accurately spelled without the s, if you ask my better half), the day of reckoning must be put on indefinite hold….and since I will never die, what’s the rush?

So now all that remains is to dip into the clippings and decide which to post. This is no laughing matter — that is, unless I post only that which is humorous. So be it. The serious stuff can wait its turn….like maybe my next post. Meanwhile, the laughs are on me:

“Beginning in February 1976 your assistance benefits will be discontinued. Reason: it has been reported to our office that you expired on January 1, 1976. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances.” –Letter sent to a dead person by the Illinois Dept. of Public Aid 

Display ad for a monster movie: Due to the horrifying nature of this film, no one will be admitted to the theater.

Cold Weather Causes Temperature to Drop –headline in The Stillwater (Oklahoma) News-Press

After finding no qualified candidates for the position of principal, the school department is extremely pleased to announce the appointment of Arthur Harrison to the post.

Drowning Can Ruin Fun in Water, Council Warns –headline in Marshalltown (Iowa) Times-Republican

This is the third marriage of the groom. He has also been through World War II.

Mr. Martin Shore was born in Madison, Wisconsin, where he died and later moved to Peoria. –Obituary in Peoria, Illinois, newspaper

Vincent Charles, a 14-year Secret Service veteran, said the string of incidents had heightened security around the White House.  “The White House has always attracted the mentally ill,” he said.  A cynic might say America can ‘Trump’ that: witness many voters being seduced by the attraction of a delusional charlatan.

An item in Thursday’s Nation Digest about the Massachusetts budget crisis referred to new taxes that will help put Massachusetts “back in the African American.” The item should have said “back in the black.” –correction notice in the Fresno (Calif.) Bee

Rent 2 bedroom cottage high on mountain in St. John overlooking British Virgins. –ad in Los Angeles newspaper

Hmmm. Come to think of it, I could use another break — this time, to get away from it all and enjoy some exotic scenery.