For those who couldn’t get enough (?) of the broad humor in my last post (THE PUNS OF AUGUST), I thought I’d close out the month with more of same (with apologies if you’re put off by nuns being spoofed — broad-ly speaking):
What do you call a nun who walks in her sleep? A roamin’ Catholic.
What do you call a nun with a limp? Hopalong Chastity.
Two nuns are walking through the park. Suddenly they are accosted by two guys who rip off their habits and start raping them. The first nun looks up to heaven and cries, “Forgive him, Father, for he knows not what he is doing.” The second nun turns and moans, “Oh God, mine does!”
Nuns are married to God, so….if they divorce, do they get half the universe?
It’s after dark, so the parish priest accompanies the nun back to the convent. Upon arriving, he asks if he can kiss her. She replies, “Well, alright, as long as you don’t get into the habit.”
Why did the nun become a seamstress? Because God told her sew.
Sew much for nuns puns. Seams to me, what with the school year just beginning in many places, it’s a good time to ask how many of us remember our first day of school? Back in the days before pre-school, when a five year old kid started cold in kindergarten or first grade, going to school for the first time on that first day could be a rather traumatic experience….especially if it was a parochial school and the kid hadn’t yet been exposed to the accoutrements of Catholicism. You might recall it something like this:
NUN OF THE ABOVE
It’s my first day of school;
I pray mom was right when
She told me nuns aren’t cruel.
You’re covered all in black
From your head to your toes….
What’s to become of me,
I’m afraid God only knows.
Are you even human, or one
Of those “other world” things?
You can’t be an angel,
Because angels have wings.
Still, you must have been sent
From God’s home in the sky —
Mom said you do His will
And don’t even ask why.
So much for August. If you’re wondering whether I plan to carry my every-fifth-day August publishing schedule over into September and beyond, the answer is wait, and “Si.” Caveat: you may, on rare occasions, see an in-betweener…but I plan nun-such in the foreseeable future.