HU/FAMOUS LAST WORDS

I’ve done a post or two in the past on humorous and/or famous epitaphs, but there’s a quote and a song that remind us that famous (and not so famous) last words aren’t always written in stone:

“I’ll show you that it won’t shoot.” –Johnny Ace, R&B singer (died playing with a pistol in 1954)

So this post will pay its respects to the utter-ly unchiseled last words of a sampling of those who have gone before us….and may those who died at the hands of axe murderers and body hackers rest in pieces.

Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. My advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it. –Somerset Maugham

This is no way to live. –Groucho Marx

They couldn’t hit an elephant at this distance. –John Sedgwick (Union general just before being killed by Confederate sharpshooter during U. S. Civil War)

If this is dying, I don’t think much of it. –Lytton Strachey

I knew it! I knew it!  Born in a hotel room and, goddamn it, dying in a hotel room. –Eugene O’Neill (died in a Boston hotel at age 65)

Good. A woman who can fart is not dead. –Louise-Marie-Therese de Saint Maurice (upon passing gas as she lay dying)

Am I dying, or is this my birthday? –Lady Astor (awakening on her deathbed to find her family gathered at her bedside)

Why not? After all, it belongs to him. —Charlie Chaplin (to a priest’s “May the Lord have mercy on your soul” while giving the last rites)

Oh God! Here I go. –Max Baer (former heavyweight boxing champion)

What is life? It is the flash of a firefly in the night. It is the breath of a buffalo in the wintertime. It is the little shadow which runs across the grass and loses itself in the sunset. –Crowfoot

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6 comments on “HU/FAMOUS LAST WORDS

  1. Don Frankel says:

    One good turn deserves another Muse.

    Like

  2. mistermuse says:

    ….or you could say, “One good TUNE deserves another.” If I recall correctly, MISS OTIS REGRETS is by Cole Porter, so it could hardly not be a good tune. Good find, Don.

    Like

  3. Joseph Nebus says:

    I can’t help wondering if Groucho had thought out his words ahead of time, or if it was a spontaneous line. It’s so perfectly crafted.

    Like

  4. mistermuse says:

    I wouldn’t put it past Groucho to have thought of it ahead of time….speaking of whom, the quote which struck me as most Groucho-like was Lady Astor’s. Unfortunately, some of her other traits were not up to the level of her wit.

    Like

  5. arekhill1 says:

    Samuel Upham had been a professor at Drew Theological Seminary for years and as he lay dying, friends gathered about. The question arose as to whether he was still living or not. Someone advised, “Feel his feet. No one ever died with warm feet.” Dr. Upham opened an eye and said, “Joan of Arc did.”

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  6. mistermuse says:

    Love it….col (chortled out loud)! Joan turned out to be one hot broad.

    BTW, I’d just learned that the word “chortle” was invented by Lewis Carroll from “chuckle” and “snort,” so I couldn’t resist using it above. One can never know too much trivia.

    Like

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