TITLE CLEARANCE SALE

Have I got a deal for you! For some time now, I have been storing up brilliant titles as they come to me, because as you writers know, you never know when you might need the perfect title for a novel, story or whatever. You may have written the greatest masterpiece This Side Of Paradise, but if it keeps getting rejected because you gave it a slightly ill-conceived name like ALI BABA AND THE FORTY HORSE THIEVES OF THE APOCALYPSE, you now know the advisability of getting the title exactly right.

Obviously the need is acute, and so was I when I was young. But now that I’m in my dotage, I’ve come to realize that I’m not going to live long enough to use all of these killer titles myself. Not wanting to see them go to hell in a wastebasket, I’ve reluctantly decided to make them available to you, my faithful readers, for the bargain price of $100 each, or two for $499. This special trial offer will not be open to the general public until yesterday, so act now while the selection is commodious and you’re flush with approbation.

ALLAH THINGS CONSIDERED

BEAUTY AND THE DEIST

CLEAR DA SALOON

DUEL CITIZENSHIP

EAST OF EVEN

FUNDAMENTAL LISTS

GONE WITH THE WENCH

HELL, HELL, THE GANG’S ALL HERE

I SHALL RETURN

IF I THINK OF IT

LOOSE ENDS

But wait — this needn’t be the end (loose, book or otherwise). Far be it from me to deprive any desperate title sucker — er, seekerย  – of my services in their hour of need. Therefore, I am open to putting more awesome titles up for sale provided the demand is there and heed is paid to the terms of Jean Shepherd’s best-selling novel IN GOD WE TRUST, ALL OTHERS PAY CASH.

Would you believe he got that title from me?

 

 

 

 

 

 

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12 comments on “TITLE CLEARANCE SALE

  1. scifihammy says:

    Excellent titles! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  2. ladysighs says:

    Still a wee bit pricey ……. but am considering East of Even

    Like

  3. mistermuse says:

    Seeing as how it’s you, ladysighs, that title is yours for a song, or rather for the loot in the lyrics ….like maybe “The Money Song” from Cabaret, or “With Plenty of Money and You” from Gold Diggers of 1937. What I don’t want to hear is “I Got Plenty of Nothin’.” ๐Ÿ™‚

    Like

  4. Hilarious! I want fundamental lists

    Like

  5. mistermuse says:

    You can have them! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Like

  6. linnetmoss says:

    LOL at Gone With the Wench. Jean Shepherd, now there is a genius ๐Ÿ™‚

    Like

  7. Don Frankel says:

    Muse you make the salient point that a title can make or break a work of art. The song ‘I Love You So F*cking Much You Make Me Want To Sh*t’ was a really beautiful piece of music.

    But just a suggestion. I think you should bundle them all on a DVD and sell it for $19.99. Then you can have the second DVD of More Great unused titles and for a limited time now and a limited time later, sell them for the unbelievable bargain price of both for $19.99. Also include the knife that always stays sharp and the sharpener.

    Like

    • mistermuse says:

      You’re right, Don. That song would’ve been a big hit, but the title wasn’t worth a sh*t.

      I remember that knife. It stayed sharp until the day it broke, which was less than a week after I got it. I don’t know what happened to the sharpener.

      Like

  8. arekhill1 says:

    I liked East of Even myself. With any luck, they’ll be a bidding war for it.

    Like

  9. mistermuse says:

    My favorite is CLEAR DA SALOON because it conjures two images for the price of one: CLAIR DE LUNE and Captain Renault clearing out Rick’s in CASABLANCA. I would charge double for it, but then it wouldn’t be two for the price of one.

    Like

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