In my October 8th post CAN’T GO WRONG WITH WRIGHT, I mentioned several affinities I share with stand-up comedian Steven Wright….such as we both dig Woody Allen and the late George Carlin (1937-2008). I’ve done several posts featuring Woody and/or his films, but nothing by George. Time to stand up for George.
CARLIN (a Mark Twain Prize winner for American Humor) was probably best known for his comedy routines about taboo subjects such as his famous “seven dirty words you can’t say on television,” but I prefer his political and counterculture satire. He was born in Manhattan of Irish-Catholic parents (an ancestry to which I can relate). When he was two months old, they separated due to his father’s alcoholism (did I mention he was Irish?). George was Catholic, as he said, “until I reached the age of reason.”
I won’t delve further into his background, as his life and career can be easily checked out on Google if interested. There is also an official website: http://www.georgecarlin.com/
So, without further ado, let’s get to the good stuff — his humor:
A lot of times when they catch a guy who killed 27 people, they say, “He was a loner.” Well, of course, he was a loner; he killed everyone he came in contact with.
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
Religion has convinced people there’s an invisible man living in the sky, who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn’t want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer and burn and scream until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you and he needs money.
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
Environmentalists changed the word jungle to rain forest, because no one would give them money to save a jungle.
I was surprised when I started getting old. I always thought it was one of those things that would happen to someone else.
Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer? It’s because volunteers work for no pay. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.
Weather forecast for tonight: Dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.
Once you leave the womb, conservatives don’t care about you until you reach military age. Then you’re just what they’re looking for.
George Washington’s brother, Lawrence, was the Uncle of Our Country.
Have you ever noticed that their stuff is shit and your shit is stuff?
I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.