NEWS OF THE DAY

It seems that, unbeknownst to every knownst person I’ve known (including me), October 23 is the #1 big news day in the history of the world….literally beginning with the history of the world. According to irreparable sources, Anglican Archbishop of Armagh and Human Primate of All Ireland, James Ussher (1581-1656), established after extensive Biblical and Middle Eastern research that the first day of creation was Sunday, October 23, 4004 BC.

Highly regarded as a churchman and scholar, the good Archbishop’s calculations were regarded at the time with unquestioning reverence. These calculations included such happenings as Adam and Eve being driven from their garden paradise on Monday, November 10, 4004 BC, and Noah’s Ark touching down on Mt. Ararat on Wednesday, May 5, 2348 BC — undoubtedly a current event of glad tidings to all aboard.

But not every historical event on this day was of biblical proportions. Here are some lesser  Oct. 23 gigs which are nonetheless gignificant, because I feel like commenting on them:

425 AD – Valentinian III elevated to throne of Roman Emperor at age 6 (emphasis on elevated)

1814 – First plastic surgery performed (in England), which seems odd because the first man-made plastic wasn’t patented until 1856 (also in England). Perhaps it was originally called rubber surgery, as rubber was known long before plastic and was first used commercially as an eraser. Makes sense, if you face the facts.

1915 – 25,000 women march in NYC demanding right to vote. As if Prohibition, in effect Jan. 1920, wouldn’t be enough to suffer through, husbands had to put up with their uppity wives wanting not only to run their households, but having a say in running the entire country. It was enough to make a groan man cry in his bootleg booze.

1935 -Mobster Dutch Schultz and three associates shot to death in a saloon by Mafia hitmen. Kind of makes one wonder, Can we all just get along?

Speaking of which, I’ve got to get along  — my better half beckons.