I have a folder of old magazine and newspaper clippings which I’d filed away years ago because of their interesting and/or oddball subject matter. One such clipping (undated, but in a batch of others from the early 1990s) is titled God’s Total Quality Management Questionnaire (As presented on National Public Radio’s “Car Talk”) — which may sound like an odd venue for such a questionnaire if you’re not familiar with the show’s hosts, the auto mechanic-comics Magliozzi Brothers. Tom and Ray Magliozzi’s CLICK AND CLACK car advice appears in newspapers weekly and at http://www.cartalk.com.

If you’re like me, you find most questionnaires too simplistic (answer yes or no, or agree or disagree, to questions which beg for more nuanced response). Not so here — most of the questions offer many choices, such as these in response to question #1: How did you find out about your Deity?

__Book of Mormon
__Divine inspiration
__Dead Sea Scrolls
__My mama done tol’ me
__Near-death experience
__Near-life experience
__National Public Radio
__Burning shrubbery
__Other (specify):__________

Now, for those of you who have had different Deities at various stages of your life, even the above choices may be insufficient, which is never a good thing unless you’re absolutely sure that you’ve finally found the divine equivalent of Mr./Ms. Right. One can only be disillusioned so many times before one says to hell with it.

How did I find out about my (current) Deity? Basically, by a process of elimination — I’m a deist, which is probably the last stage before “to hell with it”….though I must admit I haven’t tried all possible Deities. This leads me to question #2 of the questionnaire, but that will have to wait until next time.




  1. Don Frankel says:

    I’m thinking that I’m dying to know what question #2 is and then I’m thinking is this one of those things where I’ll have to, before I can?

    My answer to number 1 though is other I guess. I mean isn’t He supposed to be everywhere? So would we need a book, a tabloid or an NDE? I’m not too sure if He’s everywhere by the way. I’m pretty sure He’s in center field though.


  2. mistermuse says:

    Don, my computer’s acting up a bit, but Lord willing and the damn thing don’t crash, I’ll get to question #2 before you kick the bucket.

    Speaking of acting “up,” I’m surprised that movies wasn’t one of the question #1 choices. A lot of people undoubtedly found out about their Deity from the creations of Cecil B. DeMille, Mel Brooks, Monty Python, etc.


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