Did not choose
His birth, or his conceiver….
Now he’s dead
Although he said
He didn’t choose that either.
April 6 is PLAN YOUR OWN EPITAPH DAY, hence my premature termination above….plus what follows below. So much work was killed in the great SWI (Speak Without Interruption) meltdown of Sept. 2013 that I can’t remember specific bygone posts unless some kind of connection happens to come up. This April 6 preparatory “memorial” day triggered such a connection: a post of humorous epitaphs. Now, as I mourn anew the memory of the dear departed, I plot a resurrection, and make no bones about it — any resemblance between this and previous tomes is purely intentional:
Ope’d my eyes, took a peep.
Didn’t like it, went to sleep.
It is so soon that I was done for,
I wonder what I was begun for.
I put my wife beneath this stone
For her repose and for my own.
Here lie the bones of Sophie Jones
For her, death held no terrors.
She was born a maid and died a maid —
No hits, no runs, no heirs.
SIR JOHN STRANGE
Here lies an honest lawyer
And that is Strange.
This one’s on me.
–On headstone of a popular host
Who lies here?
I, Johnny Doo.
Hoo, Johnny, is that you?
Ay, man, but a’m dead noo [noo means “just now”].
–Glasgow, Scotland, epitaph
Here lies Margaret, otherwise Meg,
Who died without issue, save on her leg.
Strange woman was she, and exceedingly cunning,
For whilst one leg stood still, the other kept running.
Remember man, as you walk by,
As you are now, so once was I.
As I am now, so shall you be,
Remember this and follow me.
–to which someone appended,
“To follow you, I’ll not consent
Until I know which way you went.”
Here lies the father of 29
He would have had more,
But he didn’t have time.
Plan your epitaph today, while you have time!
That’s all, folks!
–Epitaph of Mel Blanc, voice of Porky Pig/many other cartoon characters