I “R” US

March 5 is Multiple Personality Day, a day which is near and dear to my hearts. By virtue (?) of the dichotomous nature of my recent posts, there is little doubt that I both know and don’t know whereof I speak, on this or any other subject. Us are thus uniquely qualified to be a talking head on TV or a scribbling ass on TOP. Lucky for you, The Observation Post is the place for me (aka us).

Who originated Multiple Personality Day is unclear, but as it relates to Multiple Personality Disorder, the term has been obsolete since 1994, when it became known as Dissociative Identity Disorder. According to WebMD.com, most of us have experienced mild dissociation, such as daydreaming or “getting lost in the moment.” The actual disorder “is characterized by the presence of two or more distinct or split identities or personality states.” Think Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Or Mr. Frankel and Dr. Don. Or mistermuse and Dr. Who?

The best thing about having a split personality is that two can live as cheaply as one. Unfortunately, when each of the two gets married, four can’t live as cheaply as three (or is it three can’t live as cheaply as one or two?), so perhaps it’s best to forego wedded bliss unless you are independently stealthy — er, wealthy. Besides, by the letter of the law, some might call it bigamy. It’s certainly biga-us, but still we’d better think twice before we rush into something biga than both of me.

Another big problem I R Us have is the IRS. Are us two or one for tax purposes? If I claim both of us as exemptions, which of us is me and which of us is a dependent? If I R Us have IRA deductions on line 17 and nondeductible contributions to our traditional IRA shown on Form 8606 which is less than total IRA contributions for 2013 as explained in Publication 590, do I R Us punt, throw to first base or split the difference?

We give up. Woe are us.